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women say/do the stupidest things


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#1 cmon norn iron

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 11:46 PM

last week my missus was making the dinner and she was boiling potatoes,she filled the pot with cold water and put it on the ring to heat up so i asked her why she didnt use the hot tap because they would heat up quicker
she said i was being stupid and would make no differencePosted Image


i was on strike about 10 years ago for about 4 weeks so i knew money was going to be tight,on telling my missus i would not be working the next few weeks she said that would be great because we could go on holiday.i said no chance because i was on strike and had to tighten my belt.she replied "oh,do you not get paid when your on strike" WTF!!Posted Image


we were driving home one day and looking out of the car window she said to me "oh my god,look at the size of those pidgeons"
i then had to slowly explain to her they were seagullsPosted Image


other stupid things she's done or said will come to mind,i just cant think of anymore ATM

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#2 Hairy Scot

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Posted 24 October 2012 - 11:54 PM

My missus does not appreciate that a software programmer, being a logical person used to thinking outside the box, will sometimes interpret things differently from lesser mortals.
One day she said to me, "Go to the shop and get two litres of milk, and if they have eggs get six."
When I returned with six litres of milk she asked, "Why did you get six litres of milk?" and was most pissed off when I said, "They had eggs."
Common sense

 

 

 


#3 cmon norn iron

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 12:26 AM

My missus does not appreciate that a software programmer, being a logical person used to thinking outside the box, will sometimes interpret things differently from lesser mortals.
One day she said to me, "Go to the shop and get two litres of milk, and if they have eggs get six."
When I returned with six litres of milk she asked, "Why did you get six litres of milk?" and was most pissed off when I said, "They had eggs."


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#4 Lord Bastion

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:03 AM

My wife still salutes (spelling?) magpies,
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#5 cmon norn iron

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 10:21 AM

donna air was inteviewing the corrs on the big breakfast,she asked them how they all metPosted Image Posted Image Posted Image



kelly brook was hosting an MTV show that had a phone in with viewers,one paticular caller rang in and she asked where he was from and he said something like capetown,she then remarked how cool that was and then asked whereabouts in europe was thatPosted Image Posted Image Posted Image

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#6 Lord Bastion

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Posted 25 October 2012 - 11:35 AM

My wife can drink nothing, she die's the next day, all day, also says never again,

But, when she is out, there is no stopping her, like George Best at a free bar,

Anyway, she is out tonight, she says she will take it easy and not drink winePosted Image

I'll let you know how that turns out tomorrowPosted Image
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#7 cmon norn iron

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:28 PM

My missus sent me a text yesterday asking how do you work out taking 10% off somethingsuicidal-smiley-emoticon.gif


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#8 black dog

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:41 PM

My wife can drink nothing, she die's the next day, all day, also says never again,

But, when she is out, there is no stopping her, like George Best at a free bar,

Anyway, she is out tonight, she says she will take it easy and not drink winelaugh.png

I'll let you know how that turns out tomorrowwink.png

 

?

 

Did ye slip her a sly one...... ;)


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#9 Hairy Scot

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:42 PM

?

 

Did ye slip her a sly one...... ;)

 

That's close to necrophilia.     :twisted:


Common sense

 

 

 


#10 black dog

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:43 PM

My missus sent me a text yesterday asking how do you work out taking 10% off somethingsuicidal-smiley-emoticon.gif

 

Your missus works as ?.....Norn ?


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#11 black dog

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:43 PM

That's close to necrophilia.     :twisted:

 

Haud on till I ask Hoopz...he's intae dead giraffes (literally)..... :D


Edited by black dog, 26 March 2014 - 07:44 PM.

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#12 Hairy Scot

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:46 PM

Haud on till I ask Hoopz...he's intae dead giraffes (literally)..... :D

 

 

If someone is into flagellation, necrophilia, and bestiality, is he flogging a dead horse?


Common sense

 

 

 


#13 black dog

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 07:58 PM

If someone is into flagellation, necrophilia, and bestiality, is he flogging a dead horse?

 

Haud on...etc, etc....


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#14 Lord Bastion

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 08:26 PM

?

Did ye slip her a sly one...... ;)


Can't remember........

May have :D
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#15 ScottyF79

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 08:30 PM

Our pals dogs were with us again so I had a stair gate up to keep them in the kitchen. So I said to the mrs about an hour ago "go get the box for the gate and I'll take it down"

10 minutes later she came back down empty handed. She sheepishly looked at me and said "I wasn't listening, what box was I to get?"

When I asked her what she done for the 10 mins she was upstairs - she replied "looking for a box"


Wtf???

Edited by ScottyF79, 26 March 2014 - 08:31 PM.

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#16 ScottyF79

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 08:35 PM

Most irritating thing I get asked every year - "do you think the car will pass the mot?"

Aye wait the noo I'll get ma vosa approved crystal ball out.

If I say 'yes' and it fails then id never hear the end of it :D

Edited by ScottyF79, 26 March 2014 - 08:35 PM.

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#17 ScottyF79

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 08:39 PM

Was building a wardrobe the other day when one of the side panels fell out the box edge first and crushed my toes.

After letting me curse and screech in pain for a few minutes....

She says "how'd u manage that!?"

Ehhh I didn't pack the fucker into the box! Stupid woman. (Yep I know, it was my fault really, just don't tell her)

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#18 tonethebhoy

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Posted 26 March 2014 - 08:40 PM

A daily question the wife asks "What do u fancy for dinner" My standard reply is "whats my options?" She replies " Chicken and chips. sausage and mash, sweet and sour chicken"

 

I'll say "Chicken and chips sounds good" 

 

"Nah we'll have the sausages, they go out of date in a couple of days"

 

What was the point in f**king asking

 

PS The options do change :) 



#19 cmon norn iron

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 10:37 AM

Missus has a 9" android tablet,she ordered a 10" case,after a while I told her to order one that fits cos the tablet was falling out...............sooooooo,one arrived the other day and she said it didn't fit,so I asked what size of case did she order and she said 7" suicide.gif


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#20 black dog

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 10:39 AM

Missus has a 9" android tablet,she ordered a 10" case,after a while I told her to order one that fits cos the tablet was falling out...............sooooooo,one arrived the other day and she said it didn't fit,so I asked what size of case did she order and she said 7" suicide.gif

 

Is your wife numerically dyslexic mate ?..... :lol:


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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!





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