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women say/do the stupidest things


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#21 cmon norn iron

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 10:44 AM

Is your wife numerically dyslexic mate ?..... :lol:

 

Yep :-D


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#22 black dog

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 11:06 AM

Yep :-D

 

Best tell her that her number's up.....


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#23 Lord Bastion

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 12:07 PM

My wife is in bed in a heap again...... Can drink nothing :D

Never learns.....
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#24 black dog

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 12:09 PM

My wife is in bed in a heap again...... Can drink nothing :D

Never learns.....

 

Did ye slip her a sneaky ?.....


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#25 Lord Bastion

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 12:13 PM

Did ye slip her a sneaky ?.....


No yet Dug.......

:lol:
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#26 jaybee

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 05:14 PM

Missus has a 9" android tablet,she ordered a 10" case,after a while I told her to order one that fits cos the tablet was falling out...............sooooooo,one arrived the other day and she said it didn't fit,so I asked what size of case did she order and she said 7" suicide.gif


Does she not know her inches?

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#27 cmon norn iron

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 05:28 PM

Does she not know her inches?


she thinks i have an 18" cock :-D

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#28 Camshy

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 11:30 PM

This is a story my brother told me about which i found hysterical.

 

My brother and other cops ( my bro is a cop ) went to a brothel up the town, not to get some but answering some complaint at the premises. Once they got there it was full of foreign women, mainly chinese......so my brother is speaking to the woman it was all about.

 

My Brother - "Can you tell me what happened ? "

Chinese Hooker - " Ching lang wang" or whatever she was saying in Chinese.

Anyway this went on for a short while and it was clear they were getting no where as the lassie could not speak any English..............SO along comes one of the Scottish prozzies in the place.

Scottish Tart - "evry hing awrite awficers, dae yie want me tae talk tae her ? "

My Brother - "You can talk to her ? " says my bro in a rather surprised voice !!

Scottish Tart - "Aye nae bother man, a talk tae her aw the time......wit dae yie want me tae say ? "

My Brother - "YOU speak fluent mandarin ? " totally gobsmacked.

Scottish Tart - " Jis tell me wit tie want me tae ask her, its fine "

My Brother - "Can you ask her what happened ? "

Scottish Tart - "Nae bother" and then in a chinese accent and arms flailing "MAI LING........WHA HAPPEN"

 

My brother and the other cops said they couldnt contain their laughter  :razz:  



#29 cmon norn iron

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Posted 10 May 2014 - 01:01 PM


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#30 black dog

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Posted 08 July 2014 - 05:21 PM

Phoned the wife from work today...I've got the morra off (also off on strike on Thursday) so leave the hedge, I'll do it......get home but because it's been dry she does it....offer to finish it....she says  naw, I'll *she) do it (stubborn cow)...then when she's finished she sees I've had a few bevvies and is none to pleased...honest tae fuck. Think her day out on Thursday may be doon the pan...Supposed tae pish doon....all going well it will.... :D


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#31 black dog

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Posted 08 July 2014 - 06:13 PM

Finished ma tea.....offered tae make her a coffee....Nah wiz the reply as she went for a lae doon on the settee.....Won't be getting a 2nd offer... :D


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#32 thefootygaffa

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Posted 24 October 2014 - 07:14 AM

here is a classic from yesterday in Glasgow

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk...w-west-29742058

 

"The toy is quite lifelike so I can understand why the woman was fooled. She genuinely thought it was real and was very frightened.

 

Oh, come on, its clearly a rubber toy.......bahahaha



#33 Hairy Scot

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Posted 24 October 2014 - 07:40 AM

Phoned the wife from work today...I've got the morra off (also off on strike on Thursday) so leave the hedge, I'll do it......get home but because it's been dry she does it....offer to finish it....she says  naw, I'll *she) do it (stubborn cow)...then when she's finished she sees I've had a few bevvies and is none to pleased...honest tae fuck. Think her day out on Thursday may be doon the pan...Supposed tae pish doon....all going well it will.... :D

 

 

Finished ma tea.....offered tae make her a coffee....Nah wiz the reply as she went for a lae doon on the settee.....Won't be getting a 2nd offer... :D

 

At your age you should know better.                                                :twisted:


Common sense

 

 

 


#34 Psychoheart

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Posted 24 October 2014 - 07:59 AM

here is a classic from yesterday in Glasgow

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk...w-west-29742058

 

"The toy is quite lifelike so I can understand why the woman was fooled. She genuinely thought it was real and was very frightened.

 

Oh, come on, its clearly a rubber toy.......bahahaha

 

Some women are really bad at telling the difference between a rubber toy and the real thing. :lol:



#35 BaldyBroon

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Posted 25 October 2014 - 07:27 AM

In my experience they also do the stupidest things.

 

For example.

 

My wife's car has been in the garage for over a week now. They are struggling to find what is wrong with it. This has caused no end of consternation, some of which i relayed to you in the thread i posted last week. 

 

You see her auld maw lives with us and without a car the both of them are stuck in the house unless i loan her my car. 

 

No way Hoooosaaay.

 

So yesterday. her,her 91 year old Mum and our son troop of to the Baillieston car market in the hope of buying a new car. Five hours later she appears back driving a SAAB Vector. A SAAB Vector is a lovely car, 2 litre turbo and looks fantastic. Jet back too, smashing !

 

Unfortunately it is also two door and a convertible.

 

"what do you think" she says 

 

"Aye" I reply "smashing"

 

"Where is it you plan to put the wheelchair though"   :rolleyes:



#36 black dog

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Posted 25 October 2014 - 07:37 AM

In my experience they also do the stupidest things.

 

For example.

 

My wife's car has been in the garage for over a week now. They are struggling to find what is wrong with it. This has caused no end of consternation, some of which i relayed to you in the thread i posted last week. 

 

You see her auld maw lives with us and without a car the both of them are stuck in the house unless i loan her my car. 

 

No way Hoooosaaay.

 

So yesterday. her,her 91 year old Mum and our son troop of to the Baillieston car market in the hope of buying a new car. Five hours later she appears back driving a SAAB Vector. A SAAB Vector is a lovely car, 2 litre turbo and looks fantastic. Jet back too, smashing !

 

Unfortunately it is also two door and a convertible.

 

"what do you think" she says 

 

"Aye" I reply "smashing"

 

"Where is it you plan to put the wheelchair though"   :rolleyes:

 

Easy Baldy.....slide back the roof & lift it into the back seat. I know, I know....I'm just a fountain of fantastic ideas...... :D


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#37 BaldyBroon

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Posted 25 October 2014 - 07:39 AM

Easy Baldy.....slide back the roof & lift it into the back seat. I know, I know....I'm just a fountain of fantastic ideas...... :D

I actually asked her where she was putting the wheelchair this morning.

 

Her reply?

 

In your car. 

 

She's a card so she is  8-)



#38 black dog

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Posted 25 October 2014 - 07:48 AM

I actually asked her where she was putting the wheelchair this morning.

 

Her reply?

 

In your car. 

 

She's a card so she is  8-)

 

You're hooked mate...... :lol:


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#39 BaldyBroon

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Posted 25 October 2014 - 07:59 AM

You're hooked mate...... :lol:

Don't i know it  :(



#40 cmon norn iron

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Posted 01 November 2014 - 09:43 AM

Me n the missus were in a restaurant yesterday afternoon,we were looking through the menu when she said OH MY GOD,i asked what was up and she said they done pernod on draught........










......of course i looked and had to explain it was peroni and that it was italian :lol:

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