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Joke Thread - not for the easily offended


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#1981 Hairy Scot

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Posted 24 August 2017 - 04:55 AM

guy -sat in a restaurant with his wife.

 

other guy- and wife walks in and sits down

 

first guy- gets up and and complains to waiter ( no other staff around ) that guy is eating whilst wearing a cap

 

waiter - there is no law apart from the PC brig

 

firs guy - im out

 

--------------------

 

 

first guy - why is everyone upset at the slightest thing? 

 

Wrong thread.


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#1982 black dog

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Posted 24 August 2017 - 06:49 AM

guy -sat in a restaurant with his wife.

 

other guy- and wife walks in and sits down

 

first guy- gets up and and complains to waiter ( no other staff around ) that guy is eating whilst wearing a cap

 

waiter - there is no law apart from the PC brig

 

firs guy - im out

 

--------------------

 

 

first guy - why is everyone upset at the slightest thing? 

 

eh?.....wtf..... :lol: . I know there was something a wee while back about you having the audacity to keep your bunnet on while eating so I'm thinking it musta been a slow night in Hoopzville.


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#1983 Hairy Scot

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Posted 06 September 2017 - 08:36 PM

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#1984 cmon norn iron

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Posted 01 October 2017 - 12:32 PM

I tried sharing a bag of chips with a homeless guy today but he told me to fuck off...

Greedy bastard, I only wanted a couple!

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#1985 Hairy Scot

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Posted 17 October 2017 - 06:35 PM


Shit Creek

 

 


#1986 cmon norn iron

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Posted 18 November 2017 - 02:40 PM

My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Liverpool shirt for a week to get peoples reactions. She's been kicked, punched and spat on so far! Fuck knows what's going to happen when she actually leaves the house!

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#1987 sployal

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Posted 18 November 2017 - 02:43 PM

My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Liverpool shirt for a week to get peoples reactions. She's been kicked, punched and spat on so far! Fuck knows what's going to happen when she actually leaves the house!

Kick her out norn, she'll get what she deserves :razz:



#1988 Hairy Scot

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Posted 18 November 2017 - 10:29 PM

Fred Smith was surprised when his wife left him for a guy who was deaf and dumb.

He obviously didn't see the signs.


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#1989 cmon norn iron

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Posted 20 November 2017 - 08:42 PM

My dwarf girlfriend has been a bit down recently because people keep remarking on her size...

So to cheer her up when she gets home from work, I've got her flowers, chocolates, wine and I'm going to run her a nice hot sink!

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#1990 Hairy Scot

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Posted 21 November 2017 - 07:08 AM


Shit Creek

 

 


#1991 cmon norn iron

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Posted 29 November 2017 - 01:30 AM

Life is like a box of chocolates...

It doesn't last long if you're a fat bastard!

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#1992 cmon norn iron

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Posted 01 December 2017 - 05:58 PM

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#1993 Hairy Scot

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Posted 10 December 2017 - 08:12 PM

As a child, I always had a fear of someone under the bed at night. So
I went to a shrink and told him: I've got problems. Every time I go
to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm
going crazy.”

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year,” said the shrink…. “Come
talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of
those fears.” “How much do you charge?” “One hundred fifty dollars
per visit,” replied the doctor.  “I'll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn't you
come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, $150 a visit, three times a week for a year, is $23,400.00. A
bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that
money that I went and bought a new pickup truck.”

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “and how, may I ask,
did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

It’s always better to get a second opinion

 

 

 


Shit Creek

 

 





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