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Joke Thread - not for the easily offended


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#1941 Hairy Scot

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Posted 27 March 2017 - 03:25 AM

I'm putting this link here because I think it's amusing:-

http://www.worldatio... see to believe

 

However, not everyone may agree.    :twisted:

 

 


Common sense

 

 

 


#1942 cmon norn iron

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Posted 28 March 2017 - 12:38 PM

As the 'other' woman inserted her fingers into my wifes pussy, understandably i decided to have a wank.

Midwifes have no sense of humour!

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#1943 Hairy Scot

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Posted 30 March 2017 - 10:33 PM

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Common sense

 

 

 


#1944 cmon norn iron

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Posted 01 April 2017 - 07:34 PM

I've managed to avoid about 50 April fools jokes this morning.

I've lost my job as an emergency service operator as a result though!

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#1945 cmon norn iron

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 06:09 AM

I told the doctor that i was suffering from premature ejaculation,
how does your wife feel about it he asked, well she took it on the chin the first time but recently It's been getting on her tits.

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#1946 black dog

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Posted 23 April 2017 - 06:30 AM

A little old lady was walking down the street, dragging two large plastic rubbish bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and, every once in a while, a £20 note fell out onto the pavement. 
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."
 
"Oh, really ? Damn it !!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me, Officer." 
"Well now, not so fast," said the cop.. "Where did you get all that money ? You didn't steal it, did you ?" 
"Oh, no, no," said the old lady. "You see, my backyard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought,'why not make the best of it'. So now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'OK, buddy ! Give me £20 or off it comes !!'" 
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop laughing. "OK. Good luck !! Oh by the way, what's in the other bag ?" 

"Not everybody pays !!"


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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!


#1947 Hairy Scot

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Posted 04 May 2017 - 03:54 AM

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.

He thinks to himself, “This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!”

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies — two in the front seat and three in the back – eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, “Officer, I don’t understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?”

“Ma’am,” the officer replies, “You weren’t speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers.”

“Slower than the speed limit?” she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly… Twenty-Two miles an hour!” the old woman says a bit proudly.

The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that “22” was the route number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.

“But before I let you go, Ma’am, I have to ask… Is everyone in this car ok?These women seem awfully shaken and they haven’t muttered a single peep this whole time.” the officer asks.

“Oh, they’ll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119.”


Common sense

 

 

 


#1948 cmon norn iron

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Posted 17 May 2017 - 11:16 AM

I was driving to work today and saw a woman driving down the road with her hazard lights on...

At least she's honest!

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#1949 sployal

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 05:48 PM

Bin lorry and crew are doing the rounds emptying the wheelie bins.
The binman can't find the bin outside a gate so goes in and rings the bell.
2 minutes later and after 3 rings the door opens and a Japanese guy sticks his head outside.
"hello" says the binman, "where's yur bin"?
"argh hurro" answers the Jap "i bin toilet"
"no man, you don't understand, where's yur dust bin"?
The Jap looks a bit upset but answers back "i just bin toilet"
"ok, for the last time mate" says the binman looking at his watch "where's yur wheelie bin"?
"hoky, hoky " answers the red faced Jap "i really bin toilet finishing wank". 



#1950 cmon norn iron

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Posted 18 May 2017 - 05:52 PM

Bin lorry and crew are doing the rounds emptying the wheelie bins.
The binman can't find the bin outside a gate so goes in and rings the bell.
2 minutes later and after 3 rings the door opens and a Japanese guy sticks his head outside.
"hello" says the binman, "where's yur bin"?
"argh hurro" answers the Jap "i bin toilet"
"no man, you don't understand, where's yur dust bin"?
The Jap looks a bit upset but answers back "i just bin toilet"
"ok, for the last time mate" says the binman looking at his watch "where's yur wheelie bin"?
"hoky, hoky " answers the red faced Jap "i really bin toilet finishing wank". 

 

The oul ones are the best :dance:  :dance: 


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#1951 Hairy Scot

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Posted Today, 12:50 AM

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Common sense

 

 

 





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